From the Cutting Room: Nisemonogatari 11 Missing Adaptation Excerpt

You watched the PG-13 version. Now read what was in the original, uncensored and uncut! (image source)

One of the parts of Shaft’s Nisemonogatari adaptation that I was particularly critical of was that it followed the source material too closely. However, when it came to the final episode I had to criticize it for deviating too much from the source – specifically, cutting out the entire first portion of the fight between Araragi and Kagenui, which I thought helped to show how powerful and sadistic woman Kagenui was and how brutal a beating Araragi had to suffer through. So I decided to share it with you all. There is some jargon in there, so I linked to the relevant Wikipedia pages when appropriate. I also highlighted speech from Kagenui and Araragi just to help ease of reading. This picks up right as Ononoki and Shinobu are leaving the room on the 4th floor of Eiko Cram School.

As if having taken a sudden interest in me, Ononoki turned to me and spoke.

“Hey, Devil Boy.”

What is it? I replied.

“What do you think of this world?”

And before I could even answer,

“I think it’d be better for this fake-filled world to be destroyed, Devil Boy… I said with a posed look.”

– she spoke so decisively.

And still without a posed look.

After making such a strong, conclusive statement, Ononoki quickly followed Shinobu out. Like that, the two monsters left the classroom.

“…”

And starting now, those two monsters will definitely engage in combat that would surpass any human’s imagination. I have no doubts about Shinobu’s skills, now that she’s become so close to her original form, but Ononoki is still a wildcard.

Based on seeing her destroy our front gate as well as the top half of Tsukihi’s body, she’s a match for any monster I’ve seen up to now, at least.

In that case, will Shinobu be able to…

“Hey you, is it any time to let your mind wander?”

In the time it took for me to turn my head away from the door that Ononoki closed behind her, Kagenui had come up so close to me that we could feel each other’s breaths.

“Uh…”

“The battle has already started. Or rather, we’re always in battle, from the moment we’re born-“

I didn’t even have time to finish turning my head.

At that moment, Kagenui kicked my knee – or rather, she had already kicked my knee.

No, sorry, sorry.

It’s not adequate to say that she kicked it.

If I put it like that, it sounds like she might have cracked open my kneecap or broken a bone.

That’d be an easy mistake to make.

To put it more accurately, Kagenui kicked my knee with her left heel, and purely from the strength of the kick, she blew off my entire leg from the knee down, as if with a knife.

Like snapping a twig.

Or maybe more like ripping off an insect’s legs.

“Shi…t!”

The feeling of surprise came before the feeling of pain.

I felt astonishment more than pain.

It was just my carelessness that allowed her to get close to me. Taking a hit because I was busy thinking about something unnecessary. That’s something that couldn’t be helped.

But still, how could the blow have been so powerful?

This sort of thing shouldn’t happen from a human kicking another human’s knee. Well, I might say that, but actually my body right now is even a level above that of a human.

My bones and my flesh,

and even my skin. To put it simply, it’s as if they are all surrounded by a protective coat of rubber.

“Did you think I’d try to take advantage of your weaknesses as a vampire? Maybe you thought I’d try to go for your throat? Or maybe your gut? Did you think I’d take out a cross or some holy water? Maybe I’d fire some holy water at you with a water gun?”

Saying that, Kagenui pounded my jaw with her left fist, faster than the eye could see.

Karen had said that she thought Kagenui’s punches could set off a car’s airbags. But I think Karen’s judgment of Kagenui wasn’t quite accurate.

She underestimated her quite a bit.

Forget the airbags.

She could total a normal car outright with this kind of strength.

Like getting hit by the equivalent of a Major League fastball from point blank, my lower jaw disappeared. This wasn’t the kind of hit to the chin that just shakes your brain a bit and gives you a concussion.

My brain wasn’t shaken at all actually; it’s just that my lower jaw cleanly flew off.

“Too bad for you, I’m Japan’s first combat onmyouji. I don’t know much about complex or specialized techniques, though. When it comes to demons, I just beat the hell out of them.”

Up next was a palm strike.

With the palm of her right hand, she hit my own right shoulder with unbelievable force.

Leaving only the very top part of my humerus attached, the rest of my right arm flew right off.

It’s not like it was caught in something or being twisted.

The force of the palm strike alone was enough to send it flying.

Even a Yokozuna wouldn’t have had a palm strike this fierce.

This was merely the result of sheer strength.

Power and skill…

The end result being great destruction.

Destruction by Kagenui Yozuru.

When she had folded me up like a piece of paper in front of our home, I had wondered to myself what kind of submission hold she had used, but that was not the right way of thinking about it. She had flattened my body simply using her monstrous strength. That must have been just warm up for her.

Simple strength.

That simple strength was running rampant now without any limitation.

Is this really the strength of a regular human and not a demon? No, it doesn’t matter what this onmyouji is right now.

Even her non-combat skills have surpassed humanity, after all!

So that’s why Shinobu was so hesitant when describing her; there is no proper way to describe this woman!

“Hah…ugh…Aaah!”

With my remaining right leg, I hopped one step back away from Kagenui.

Kagenui didn’t follow me.

That she didn’t instinctively chase after me made me think even more that she was indeed a pro.

When up against an amateur opponent, a pro doesn’t need to follow at the target’s pace.

So when she has the advantage, she doesn’t just recklessly keep attacking her opponent.

It was as if she making fun of me, just calmly waiting to provide the final blow.

“Ugh… hoo, hooo.”

But I survived. Even though Kagenui’s power was this incredible, I somehow managed to survive.

Even though it hurt so much, it didn’t feel like it hurt at all.

I guess it was so unreal that my mind couldn’t process it.

My brain was refusing to process this damage that transcended the realm of mere pain. But even so, my immortal vampire’s body was automatically healing itself.

My cut off left leg.

My chin that flew off.

My right arm that was torn off.

Everything came back to normal like a system that was reset.

Of course, the healing wasn’t instantaneous like it was back when I was a full vampire. But faster than you might have expected, my entire body was back to normal.

Unlike Shinobu, I couldn’t fix my torn clothes (I don’t have the ability to create materials, so I’m just wearing my normal clothes), so I was dressed kind of like a punk now.

Well, my body may be healed, but having it destroyed so freely meant my pride was still injured.

“Haaa… haaa…haaa.”

Be calm, be cool – you’re burning up.

This is far beyond what I had expected.

Well, I guess it wasn’t intolerable.

If I get to touch my little sisters’ breasts as much as I want starting tomorrow by going through this, it’s a small price to pay.

Anyway, the battle has just been reset.

“Hmph… Hey you.”

My opponent Kagenui looked very happy.

Despite being in battle, her affable attitude hadn’t changed a bit. Actually, given that she had said that we were in battle from the moment we were born, I guess I shouldn’t have been at all surprised.

It’s not that she is always ready for battle.

From the moment she asked me for directions from atop that mailbox, her entire body was already in battle.

“Do you know why I specialize in immortal demons?”

Kagenui opened her mouth wide and licked her lips.

“It’s because I’m so powerful that nothing else is a challenge for me.”

“…”

Those words completely negated whatever feeling of reset I had felt about the battle.

Just what is this person?

They say it’s a wide world out there, but… I never imagined that there could be a human this powerful.

Of course, I came here to fight, but I had expected a closer battle. It’s not like I was skeptical of Karen’s claims about Kagenui’s power, but I had thought that my body being half vampire would be enough to match her at least.

So what’s the deal with her hand-to-hand combat?

Just what is this power?

This Kyoto-accented onmyouji had strength enough to surpass that of a demon.

“Hah, hah, hah, hah-“

Desperately trying to get my heart rate and breathing under control, I started to think.

No, I had to think. I had to think of something.

This is… wait, that’s right.

The original occupant of this room, that foolish aloha-man Oshino Meme was also someone who could have easily fought like Kagenui had just now.

He had just chosen not to.

But he certainly could have.

Even Shinobu in her prime had to respect Oshino. Whether it was her, the snail, the monkey, or the snake, Oshino could have easily dispatched any one of them merely on impulse. Honestly, the only demon Oshino might have had trouble with was that cat in the case of Hanekawa.

That was Oshino.

“Kagenui… What is your relationship with Oshino?”

And what follows is what was shown in the anime as soon as Ononoki left, Kagenui explaining that she, Oshino, and Kaiki are old college buds. The rest of the anime was pretty faithful to the novel. One missing detail was that Koyomi kept track of how many times Kagenui punched him while breaking through the floors to reach Shinobu and Ononoki – almost 500 (I thought the way the anime depicted it was a bit tame). I wish I could’ve put in some illustrations of the fight itself, but I couldn’t find any from my digging around pixiv, so I put in some screenshots of past events from the show when they were referred to.

Usual caveats apply: this is a Japanese to Korean to English translation. Credit goes to Junsoo Hyun for the official Korean translation, which I encourage you to buy if you can read Korean. I also give thanks to canon_rap for giving me help translating what type of combat Kagenui was using. Check out his site Quality Mistranslations for other translations including his on-going project Nekomonogatari White “Tsubasa Tiger,” the 2nd volume of the sequel to Nisemonogatari. He also has a Tumblr page in which he will be posting as he plays through Witch on the Holy Night.

I’ll leave you with a final image I found, just because I thought it was funny:

Hope you enjoyed! (source)