I’m so popular that everyone wants my time lately, so today we’re not getting a review from sassy. Instead, we’re getting a review from sassinsomniac, who has a very different personality and thinks he is way funnier than he actually is. This is in contrast to regular sassy, who actually is as funny as he thinks he is. Anyway, this episode proves how much of a genius I am, so let’s not waste any time confirming my genius.
I put in what I thought were hints in last episode’s review, so I’ll quickly explain what I meant by those pictures in case you didn’t catch on. Obviously the kid girl in the flashback is Julie Guile in the present, as you can tell from their nearly identical hair and faces. The other kid girl next to her in the flashback looks a whole like the maid from the first episode, and since they looked all buddy buddy in the flashbacks, my guess was that they were working together to bring down the people who basically screwed them over as children.
The smoking gun is in her hand, guys.
We left off last time with a gun pointed at Kujo and a gunshot. Naturally, the show must go on, so by some unexpected twist, it was not Kujo who was shot but that old crazy man Maurice instead. Apparently, Julie “found” a gun earlier, which is not suspicious at all considering she never mentioned it beforehand. Ned suggests they throw away their weapons to avoid any conflict among themselves, which is a perfectly reasonable suggestion in my book, so they do so and proceed.
They proceed until Ned flips out and dies in the corner, in a pose eerily similar to the one from episode 2. Kujo checks his pulse and declares him dead, and this is when the episode starts to pick up. Victorique becomes oddly timid, coaxing Kujo to come back to her, and the three survivors flee the scene as fast as they can.
They run to some random room and try to gear up for a fight, soon after which the hunter shows himself. It turns out to be none other than… Ned, that guy who just died. Apparently you can fake a dead pulse by clenching a tennis ball really tightly. Even if it’s true, from the duration that he was lying on the floor like that, he must have had one hell of a sleeping arm afterwards. Oh yeah, he’s also carrying a huge halberd, so you know he means serious business.
Kujo Facepuncher, punching faces near you.
After Ned bullies the girls around a bit, Kujo and Ned have an epic punchout that takes them to the deck. Kujo is determined to win, probably because there are girls watching, so they just beat each other senseless. Kujo is about to get owned, when…
Julie axes Ned in the back. So ends the slaughter aboard the Queen Berry. But wait, what? Ned was the killer? Didn’t I say I thought the culprit was Julie? How could sassinsomnia, the greatest deductive genius of his time, be wrong? Don’t worry, don’t worry, I’ll admit I was a bit surprised at first, but there’s still more! No murder mystery would be complete without the great reveal at the very end. And, voila!
Unicorn here to arrest your ass.
It turns out Julie was the culprit. See, I told you, I’m a genius. So basically, a bunch of orphans from different countries were gathered on the ship 10 years ago, and Ned was there to fake his death to provoke the kids to kill each other. The ones who made it to the radio room were the winners, and their countries got to win the First World War. No joke, Gosick is throwing in some pretty crazy conspiracies to spice things up. All the kids were traumatized, naturally, and compensated with a crapload of money. Julie just decided to use hers for revenge.
And apparently that dirty Victorique knew the answer from the start because Julie faked the locked door at the very beginning. One might say she’s a genius, but I say she was just jumping to conclusions. There can only be one genius here.
Oh yeah, the maid wanted revenge, too. But I was wrong about one thing: they weren’t working together. What a shame. After an emotional reunion, they both go to jail. Remember, kids, murder is never an acceptable form of justice. Don’t try it at home, even if that one jackass steals your holographic Charizard.
By the way, Victorique is the illegitimate daughter of Grevil’s father.
And Kujo is pissed off again, for obvious reasons.
Dropped my keys again…
I’m still cute… right?
You’ve all just been PUNK’D.
Oh hey, photos.
I seem to have been killed. Excuse me while I jump off the edge.
Who, him? His job is to stand in the shadows and look cool.
Kujo and Victorique share a lot of moments throughout this episode, but I intentionally left those parts out because I hate it. Yeah, yeah, she’s supposedly in Kujo’s class and also his age, but she looks like she’s 5 years younger. Regardless of their true ages, any romantic involvement would just brand Kujo as a lolicon. I mean, just look at her. I wouldn’t hit that with a ten foot p… ole. Not saying she’s ugly (although she totally isn’t my type), but it’d feel like committing some sort of crime. I really hope Kujo keeps his protective attitude toward her, and their relationship develops more into a surrogate brother-sister deal. So far it’s stayed mostly in the platonic region, but it feels like it could launch into something deeper at any time. You know what Kujo needs? That teacher. The… well-endowed one.
Speaking of Kujo, I don’t know why it took me so long, but it just hit me that he’s a complete idiot. I don’t know if he’s supposed to be charming or something because of his stupid sincerity, but it’s really starting to annoy me how he can’t think for himself at all. The only thing he was good for during this arc was punching Ned and getting punched, which isn’t particularly impressive. Even when Victorique leaves some not-so-subtle hints (What happened 10 years ago? The Great War… but that had nothing to do with it, right? WRONG) he can’t figure anything out. Yeah, I know Victorique is supposed to be the detective star of this series, but since I’m a guy, I like the male leads to have some brains. Not just muscle. Actually, Kujo doesn’t even have muscle, so he loses either way.
Since I’m a genius, I wasn’t really surprised at the outcome of this arc. The woman is always evil, so the mystery was really just following standard procedure. They tried to throw us a curveball for a moment when Ned decided to go batshit crazy in the middle, but I knew. I knew. After all, how can you arrest the dead? We’d never get our long-winded explanation if Ned was the true culprit. There was one thing that surprised me, though. Not the part where Julie and the maid weren’t actually partners in crime, it was something deeper than that. Grevil made an appearance in this episode, and you know what? He didn’t make a complete fool of himself. In fact, he kept his cool the entire time. I am utterly astonished.
Hey, hey, you, you
Her name is Avril, and she doesn’t like your girlfriend.