A special, heartfelt ode to puzzles before we say goodbye…
Puzzles. Puzzles have been the heart and soul of Phi Brain for a year now. My life has been infused with these life-or-death, sudoku-or-sudon’tku situations every week for 365 days, which has now brought me to a state of enlightenment. At first I thought that Phi Brain was ridiculous. Why would anyone risk their life just to solve a puzzle on a regular basis? Kaito is never actually forced into many of these situations. Imagine the novelty of Kaito just saying “no” to a puzzle with the practiced precision of an anti-drug commercial actor and walking away. These are all options, yes. But you have to understand – as I have come to understand – that puzzles are the most important thing on the planet.
There is nothing in this world that cannot be related to a puzzle. Food? Make a puzzle out of it. Childhood grudge? Solved with a puzzle. You show ambivalent feelings towards your child that constantly corrodes your soul? Give that son of a bitch a puzzle. Sadly, we live in a society that very rarely embraces the ideals shown in Phi Brain. Imagine if all our problems were solved by puzzles. Whenever we fought with our significant other we could secretly mope about it, create a puzzle, and then mysteriously hi-jack a construction site overnight to make a puzzle to test out whose turn it REALLY was to take out the trash. Isn’t that so much more elegant? There is so better solution to any conceivable solution to any problem than a puzzle. Nonoha tried to reason with Freecell, calmly explaining everything about his past to him, but that wasn’t enough to help him. Pinochle attempted to revive Freecell with high levels of homoeroticism, but failed. The only way to bring his wits back was to solve a puzzle with him.
This whole issue with Freecell would have been a lot harder if there were no puzzles. For one thing – it wouldn’t have been as fun! You can’t live your life out to the fullest without a good puzzle (and unescapable death for the loser). The alternative solution would be to talk to him, ignore him, or arrest him for stalking and get a restraining order. Gross! Following the Phi Brain way, Kaito gets to travel to the picturesque Himalayan mountains and solve an exciting puzzle that may or may not have put the entire country in debt so that it could be created. You have to admit it’s a real beaut though.
Talking about your “feelings” isn’t needed when you have a puzzle that explains everything through design alone. The tag theme perfectly suits Freecell’s constantly conflicting emotions about wanting to hide from Kaito and simultaneously be close to him. Just by running in circles over and over again, Kaito was able to activate Phi Brain mode (because running in circles is the peak of intelligence and requires ALL your mental resources) and communicate with his opponent. He came to understand that Freecell was lonely, and didn’t want to ever finish the puzzle in case Kaito left him afterwards. Once Kaito realized this, he knew exactly what to do and how to comfort Freecell afterwards. All this from a puzzle. Soon we won’t even need to actually speak – BAKA morse code and puzzles will be the new official universal language.
Kaito’s season 3 catchphrase: “PUZZLES OR GTFO”
Freecell is stubbornly stuck in the past, refusing to accept his current situation until he solves the pendant with Kaito. The solved puzzle shows an engraving of his mother lovingly holding him. His mixed feelings melt away and give rise to only his true emotions. He loved his mother and his promise to Kaito meant everything to him. That gives him the strength to cope with his mother’s death and his harsh childhood. It’s only then that his Ring shatters and he is truly happy. The same thing happened in season 2 with Rook, who communicated his love for Kaito using…wait for it…puzzles.
This irrefutable evidence proves that puzzles are the way of the future. All of our classes should be replaced with puzzle expeditions, much like what Kaito and friends do. They don’t have time for mindless drivel like algebra and english, so they go out and chase after what is truly a source of useful knowledge. Following this philosophy, I have dropped out of University and dedicated my life to completing dozens of those little “101 puzzles” booklets to become a true genius. I am not there yet, but I have high hopes.
Phi Brain has taught me that puzzles are capable of increasing your intelligence to the point where you can accidentally destroy the world (a common mistake) and actually die from thinking too damn hard. Luckily, we don’t have Orpheus Rings in real life to facilitate this, so we can solve all the puzzles we want without all the side effects! However, I still strongly enforce death penalties for losing a puzzle, because of reasons.
So smart you can see the future and the past. Comes in either a stylish sketchy filter or black ink blots!
Phi Brain has also taught me that thinking about alternatives is pointless. There is use in trying to think of a better way to structure our society than to have it revolve around puzzles because there is none. Stop. Puzzles are all that matter. You go into withdrawal if you stop thinking about puzzles and end up hallucinating them everywhere you go, as seen by the beach episode. So just stop. Kaito is the perfect role model to demonstrate the plus side of basing your every waking thought (and dream!) about puzzles. He never thinks about anything other than puzzles and look at how successful he is! He’s got an entire harem of hot guys screaming his name for half of the episode, and they’re all his! Don’t you want a harem of hot guys to have puzzle time with? I thought so. This is why you need to shut off your brain to useless things like school, calling the police, or when your grandmother’s birthday is and think about puzzles 24/7.
Further Benefits of Puzzles:Show ▼
In conclusion, his show has changed my life. Before puzzles, I was a loser who actually did sports and went to class. Now I’m a cool kid, hanging around abandoned construction sites at night to get my fix. I have found my place in life as a true believer of the heart of the puzzles. Remember – puzzles have hearts, and tell us a lot about the people who made them. Freecell didn’t want to kill Kaito (unlike Rook’s puzzle) so there was no murderous intent. He just wanted Kaito to himself, while ignoring all of the friends he had with him the entire time. I think that puzzles are the most beautiful thing in the entire universe, and am sad that this masterpiece is ending.
I’ve been blogging about it here for an entire year and enjoyed every minute of it. Well, minus the first 5 episodes, which were hard to get into. Overall I’ve loved it though. It’s been an amazing show that is absurd, stupid, unintentionally funny, and amazing all at the same time. I even managed to worm my way into SCCSAV’s livewatch group, which is pretty much the only time I’ve had enough courage and drive to actually join a livewatch group. All for Phi Brain! Ahh, such good memories…I can’t believe it’s ending just when I found my true calling. Thank you everyone for following these posts, or potentially just reading this one post somehow. There is no more reason for me to live so I guess I’ll commit sudoku and…
Oh, wait season 3! I can wait another year before I kill myself. Until then I’ll be lurking around dark alleys asking little kids if they want to see my puzzles.
Rejoice! The Phi Bros shall meet again for season 3 in 2013!