Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso 20 – 21

Tsubaki tries to get her feelings across

Getting close to the end on Shigatsu. Part of me is disappointed, part of me is glad. It’s a show that is trying but has moments that are very nice

Facing Losses

Continuing to feel like the 3rd wheel on a bicycle

Episode 20 decided it was going to be the emotional roller coaster episode. Mixing scenes from Kousei’s past, mostly memories with Tsubaki, with Kousei’s present where he’s trying to decide whether he’s going to be honest about his feelings for Kaori, it gives us a nice bit of continuity with Tsubaki from the past to the present, where they pass a lemonade back and forth, using it to cheer each other up. This leads up to the current time with Tsubaki trying to figure out how to say anything to Kousei. The way she eventually picks to kinda sorta confess ended up being pretty roundabout, first confirming that Kousei likes Kaori, then berating him about Watari and Kaori being a couple, even though if you asked Watari (the only person in this whole show who’s honest with themself) he’d easily say that Kaori and Kousei are the OTP there. I really do think that Watari goes and hangs out with Kaori because she needs someone to hang out with. Sure she’s pretty and funny, and fun to talk with, but he’s just being a friend, something that Kousei and Tsubaki have a really hard time doing.

Tsubaki ruins the mood

But Tsubaki misunderstands their relationship as well, or at least wants it to be so, so that Kousei is stuck with her. I really didn’t like this way she somewhat puts herself down, the default choice, not the one that Kousei SHOULD be with. And then after a confession like that, she ruins it further with kicking Kousei and running off. I know that she’s only 15, so this isn’t exactly out of character, but it is ineffective as far as getting a guy to like you.

Really? You had to go there?

Unfortunately for Kousei, Kaori’s still playing the arm’s-length romance thing as well, sending completely mixed messages to Kousei about visiting her, what she wants him to do, telling him to not visit because he needs to practice and then calling him to talk about the sky. And finally something happens between Kousei and Watari, where Kousei finally tells Watari what Watari already knows. And Kousei’s finally gotten up the nerve to tell Kaori about his feelings, but the show’s not done pulling the rug out from under him, with a sudden medical emergency, and then to pile on further, has the neighborhood black cat, which I think everyone realizes (including Kousei) is his kitten Chelsea, get run over and die. Geez, we get it already…

Recovery and Reaching

Hiroko just doesn’t know what she can do

After the emotional beatdown that Kousei gets from Kaori’s crash and the cat’s death, he feels like he’s not really in any shape to play in his competition, even though it’s the thing that will determine his future. But Tsubaki knows that she’s not the one who can pull him out of it, unlike the first time they got him on stage with Kaori. But for Hiroko, this is just calling back to her previous memory of Kousei breaking down after his mom’s death. She knows what’s at stake, but she also understands how much he’s been battered. Even if Tsubaki asked, she can’t really do anything.

Is this her own confession?

And in the middle of this storm, he gets another message from Kaori, who is back out of the ICU. And even though Kousei goes to visit her, it has a feeling of pretending that things are ok, when he knows they aren’t. He’s sure that this is just a slight pause on the downward slide of losing the things he cares about. But Kaori surprises him a little with her operation (conveniently on the same day as the competition), and that she’s going to struggle on. I wish that she had said the things she said in her head, that she wants to cling to the moments she spends with him, that he is the reason she wants to continue living, out loud, so that Kousei could hear them. She wants to know all about him, she envies Tsubaki for knowing him so well, but I wish she could plainly say how much she likes him. But maybe they’re both getting to the point where they realize the other person likes them. One can only hope.

Or is it more here?

But can Kousei still perform? He says that he’s out of practice, but a week? Really? That’s a short rest. He’s got a day or so. He could get back in ‘shape’ easily. And when the performance comes, he’s a lot more focused on the mental side, to the point of Emi and Takeshi needing to help him up. But is Hiroko mistaking Kousei’s current mental state? It seems more that he’s fighting his memories of Kaori and her desire for him to play against his memories of his mother and the things he’s lost. Thankfully, Tsubaki interrupts his reverie at the right time with something recognizable, and he realizes that he hasn’t lost everything. There are so many more people in his life, and he’s finally realizing that.

I don’t know if they’ll continue Kousei’s performance in the final episode, or if seeing him play this episode is going to be enough. As Hiroko hinted, this is more about whether he’ll even continue to be a pianist at this point. But he seems to have gotten over that, and is playing with his heart for the people that have filled his heart, finally realizing that they are there for him. Now that the show’s set up this possible happy ending, I really hope that it follows through. It would be a bit of dirty pool for it to go ahead and off Kaori after her operation. It is kind of odd, tho: They’ve been saying that this competition will decide who gets to stay in Japan and who goes to Europe. Yet at the beginning of the series, going to Europe was supposedly the goal that Kousei’s mom was drilling into him. It seems like a weird reversal, or is it that the goal has changed from ‘Europe’ to ‘love’?

About Highway

Proving that you don't have to be young to love anime, I enjoy all genres and styles of shows. If it's not hurting anyone else, you should never be ashamed of what you like!